by Katherine Morgan Schafler
I read parts of this book and learned some things about perfectionists however, when the profanity appeared, my esteem for the author decreased immensely. I suppose I’m old school: I expect professionals to write and speak and act like professionals and adhere to a higher standard. Yes, I learned some things about perfectionists and perfectionism by browsing through the book, but it didn’t hold my interest enough to read every page.
One thing I did appreciate was the author's stance that perfectionism is a not a flaw [as most people I know think] or a mental illness to be dealt with but a “fundamental component of who [a person is] (p. xv).”
She also suggested that there are different kinds of perfectionists/perfectionism. Not all is being perfect and doing everything perfectly. Sometimes it's about the motivation to keep getting better.
Quotes
“Ambition is not a universal trait. Some people are not interested in continually pushing themselves towards their highest potential or chasing an ideal. They may not ever even think about it....
“Perfectionists have trouble relating to people who don’t hold a strong impulse towards perfectionism, and vice versa.
"Unlike perfectionists, some people can enjoy daydreaming about ideals without experiencing attendant pressure to work towards actualizing them. Feeling their potential press upon them from the inside out daily and acutely is not their experience, as it is for perfectionists. They don’t encounter a chronic restlessness to achieve, excel, and advance....
“Some people like to work as little as possible, watch some TV, enjoy their hobbies, chill by themselves or with others, and do the same thing again tomorrow. Perfectionists wonder if those people might be depressed in some way: ‘If you just applied yourself more, you could turn this hobby into a real business. Don’t you want to turn off the TV? If you woke up one hour earlier, you could clear your inbox, learn French in a year, have a garage cleaned out by spring. Are you okay? Do you need to talk?’
“Similarly, non-perfectionists look to perfectionists with some degree of confusion and judgment-laced concern: “Why do you always have to be taking on another challenge? Can’t you just sit still? Can’t you just relax? Are you okay? Do you need to talk’?
“Neither is better or worse; they’re different.”
One thing I did appreciate was the author's stance that perfectionism is a not a flaw [as most people I know think] or a mental illness to be dealt with but a “fundamental component of who [a person is] (p. xv).”
She also suggested that there are different kinds of perfectionists/perfectionism. Not all is being perfect and doing everything perfectly. Sometimes it's about the motivation to keep getting better.
Quotes
“Ambition is not a universal trait. Some people are not interested in continually pushing themselves towards their highest potential or chasing an ideal. They may not ever even think about it....
“Perfectionists have trouble relating to people who don’t hold a strong impulse towards perfectionism, and vice versa.
"Unlike perfectionists, some people can enjoy daydreaming about ideals without experiencing attendant pressure to work towards actualizing them. Feeling their potential press upon them from the inside out daily and acutely is not their experience, as it is for perfectionists. They don’t encounter a chronic restlessness to achieve, excel, and advance....
“Some people like to work as little as possible, watch some TV, enjoy their hobbies, chill by themselves or with others, and do the same thing again tomorrow. Perfectionists wonder if those people might be depressed in some way: ‘If you just applied yourself more, you could turn this hobby into a real business. Don’t you want to turn off the TV? If you woke up one hour earlier, you could clear your inbox, learn French in a year, have a garage cleaned out by spring. Are you okay? Do you need to talk?’
“Similarly, non-perfectionists look to perfectionists with some degree of confusion and judgment-laced concern: “Why do you always have to be taking on another challenge? Can’t you just sit still? Can’t you just relax? Are you okay? Do you need to talk’?
“Neither is better or worse; they’re different.”
pp. 30-31
--nm
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